Are you a grandparent struggling to see your grandchildren after a divorce, separation, or family dispute? You’re not alone. Family mediation can help you find a way forward.
It’s often an unexpected and emotional situation that grandparents find themselves in – being cut off from their grandchildren. If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. An estimated 42% of grandparents lose contact with their grandchildren at some point, which means nearly one million children in the UK lack this relationship. So, what can you do if you find yourself in this difficult position? Is there a way to heal the situation and re-establish contact? The answer could very well be family mediation.
Why Does This Happen?
Divorce, separation, or family disputes can cause a ripple effect that impacts not just the couple involved but the entire family, including grandparents. You may feel caught in the middle, particularly if your child is going through a difficult divorce or separation. Relationships become strained, communication breaks down, and sometimes, grandparents find themselves unfairly sidelined.
In these cases, maintaining contact with your grandchildren can be challenging. Whether it’s due to misunderstandings, unresolved emotions or more complex family dynamics, you might suddenly find your usual time with the grandchildren being reduced—or worse, stopped altogether.
For many grandparents, this situation feels deeply unfair, particularly for those who have been a stable figure in your grandchildren’s lives, offering guidance, support and wisdom. So, what can be done when family circumstances change, and you suddenly find yourself feeling disconnected from your grandchildren?
Do Grandparents Have Legal Rights?
In England and Wales, grandparents don’t have automatic legal rights to see their grandchildren. This might be surprising to hear, but it’s the reality under the law. However, that doesn’t mean all hope is lost. The legal system does recognise the important role grandparents can play in a child’s life, and there are ways to seek formal contact if you feel it’s being unfairly denied.
Under the Children Act 1989, the child’s welfare is always the top priority. Courts are guided by what’s best for the child, and maintaining a relationship with grandparents can often be seen as beneficial. You can apply for a Child Arrangements Order if communication with your grandchildren’s parents has broken down completely. This legal route can grant you the right to spend time with your grandchildren. However, there’s often an easier, less confrontational way to resolve things—mediation.
How Can Mediation Help?
Before considering court, it’s a good idea to explore mediation. Mediation is a flexible, informal process where a neutral third party helps you and the other adults involved discuss the issues and try to find a mutually acceptable solution.
Here’s why mediation is often a great first step:
- Neutral Ground: Mediation provides a neutral platform where everyone’s feelings and concerns can be voiced. Unlike courtroom battles, where tensions often escalate, mediation encourages calm, respectful discussions.
- Improved Communication: When relationships are strained, clear communication can be the first casualty. Mediation helps open those lines of communication, allowing everyone to talk through their issues with the guidance of a professional mediator.
- Focus on the Child: The mediator will help ensure the conversation stays focused on what’s best for the child. Everyone involved—including you as a grandparent—can express their desire to maintain a loving relationship with the child without adding to the tension between the parents.
- Preserving Family Relationships: In many cases, mediation helps to avoid the bitterness that can arise from going straight to court. It offers the chance to mend fractured relationships and ensure ongoing cooperation between the child’s parents and their extended family.
What If Mediation Fails?
While mediation is often successful, it’s not always the right solution for everyone. If mediation doesn’t work or isn’t suitable for your situation, you can still pursue legal avenues. Grandparents can apply for a Child Arrangements Order, which determines who the child will live with and when they will spend time with you.
If you do end up in court, remember that the child’s best interests will always be at the heart of any decision. The court will consider various factors, such as:
- The existing relationship between you and your grandchild.
- The child’s wishes and feelings (if they are old enough to express them).
- The impact of ongoing contact with you on the child’s overall well-being.
A Positive Step Forward
If you’re a grandparent who’s been cut off from your grandchildren, it can be an incredibly painful experience. But there are steps you can take to regain that special bond. Mediation offers a way to address issues without escalating the situation. In many cases, it’s the first step toward finding a solution that works for everyone.
Attending a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) can be a really good place to start. At the MIAM, the mediator will hear from you about your circumstances and will discuss what options are available to you. The mediator will explain mediation and other ways to resolve family disputes without going to court.
Family Mediation for Grandparents
At Vollans Mediation, we specialise in family mediation, and we understand how sensitive these issues can be. Our accredited family mediators are here to help you navigate these tough conversations and work towards re-establishing that important relationship with your grandchildren.
If you’re ready to explore your options, contact Vollans Mediation today for a confidential consultation.