When Parents Split Up: How Mediation Helps You Have a Voice
When families change, your feelings matter
Sometimes, parents decide not to live together anymore. When that happens, it can feel confusing, upsetting, and even a bit scary. You might have lots of different feelings all at once, sad, angry, worried, relieved or you might feel numb. However you feel, it’s completely normal.
It's not your fault
Let’s be really clear: what’s happening is not your fault. Not even a little bit.
Sometimes young people think they might have caused the separation, or that they could have stopped it. But this isn’t something a child can cause or fix.
If your family is going through this, there’s something called Child Inclusive Mediation (CIM) that’s here to help.
At Vollans Mediation, our CIM mediators are Naomi and Anna. They are specially trained to meet with children and young people and to listen to what matters to you.
What happens in CIM?
If you decide you’d like to talk to a mediator, and if both your parents agree, you’ll meet the mediator on your own. This can be in person or on a video call. Your parents won’t be there during the meeting it will just be you and the mediator.
This is your space and your time to share whatever’s on your mind. You can say as much or as little as you want. It’s your choice. Mediators don’t judge, take sides, or tell you what to think. They are there to really listen and to help families understand each other better.
You might want to talk about:
- What’s been happening recently
- How you’ve been feeling
- What’s working and what’s not
- What’s been difficult
- What you’d like your parents to know
The mediator might ask you some questions, listen carefully, and sometimes take notes. Afterwards, they’ll check with you exactly what you’d like them to share with your parents. They will only pass on what you agree to.
Watch Chloe's Story
Why it matters
We know from research and from listening to young people that:
- When parents separate, children do better when they feel heard and included.
- It helps when parents understand what life is like for their children, rather than making guesses.
- Being able to share feelings in a safe space can reduce stress and help you feel more in control.
CIM makes sure you’re not left out of decisions that affect your life. It helps the adults think about your feelings, your needs, and what will work best for you.
Remember...
- You have a voice.
- You are important.
- You deserve to be listened to.
Sometimes, just having someone hear you can make a huge difference. We are here to help make sure your thoughts and feelings are part of the conversation about your future.