Today marks the start of National Conversation Week 2018 and with it comes an encouragement to talk more. The Campaign suggests that we may well be losing the art of conversation to a world of electronic communication, gifs and emojis. When it comes to keeping in touch both in our personal and professional lives, we’ve all been guilty of hiding behind a screen but when it comes to a difficult conversation the temptation to communicate by text/email or even dodge it altogether can be high.
From asking for what we want, to dealing with the elephant in the room, difficult conversations are needed all the time. Conflict is a normal part of life which affects people in their personal and professional lives. Yet, at the same time, our culture does not prepare us to deal well with it. As a result, our experience of conflict is often negative, impacting on our family and work relationships. Whilst conflict can be damaging, we can grow in our effectiveness in handling it creatively and positively.
Having difficult conversations does not need to be as daunting as it might first appear. Here are 5 top tips for having that difficult conversation:-
1. Prepare: Before having a difficult conversation it’s helpful to have clarity and be able to articulate why you want to talk and what you want to accomplish by it. Some people put off having the conversation because they don't know how to start. Writing it down or rehearsing it out loud in a few succinct sentences will help.
2. Choose the right time and place to have the conversation: Difficult conversations benefit from taking place face-to-face and that might need some planning. Find a time when you will both be at your best. Don’t hijack the other person by trying to talk when it is unexpected, they are under pressure or in a rush. Have your conversation in a quiet , neutral space where there are no distractions.
3. Be aware of emotions: Emotions are both a cause and escalator of conflict. It is your responsibility to understand and manage your emotions. But you don’t know how the other person will respond emotionally. The first step in dealing with strong emotions is to acknowledge them, and to try to understand their source. Consider taking a break or getting help (see below) when emotions run high.
4. Learn to listen: As well as having the opportunity to say the things you want to say, it’s vital that you also pay attention to what the other person is saying. Listening well is key to making difficult conversations work. It requires that you concentrate and understand what the other person is saying. Try to absorb what’s being said instead of thinking about what you’re going to say next and avoid interrupting.
5. Know When to Get Help: If the issue or situation isn’t resolved, you may benefit from working with a professional. For example, working with an independent, impartial, professionally trained Mediator provides a safe space to talk in a confidential, informal, structured conversation. Conflict Coaching or attending a Conflict Workshop provides an opportunity to think about and to grow in effectiveness in handling conflict.
So if putting off that difficult conversation is negatively impacting on a relationship or situation, why don't you commit to making it happen this National Conversation Week?
At Vollans Mediation we are committed to offering high quality, reasonably priced Mediation, Conflict Coaching and Training. You can find out more about the services we offer on our website, by contacting us for an initial telephone consultation on 0113 213 3662 or emailing This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
